Hypocrites: The Definitive Guide

*******Another older post I’m moving over from my previous blog**********

I recently posed a question to a large and diverse group of people.  “What is one thing you love, and one thing you dislike/hate about church, God, or church-goers.  Among the things that people didn’t like, it became pretty clear that one of the most passionate dislikes was all of the #@^! hypocrites in church.  And honestly, who does like a hypocrite?  No one.  So here is the definitive guide (because I know of no other) to classify and rightly label all of the hypocrites.  Let me say initially that in the context of the church, a Hypocrite will be anyone who does not live up to the lifestyle displayed by Jesus Christ during His 33 years on earth.

The list:

The Church Goer Hypocrite:  Jason is a “Church Goer Hypocrite”.  He is a car salesman, and is trying to sell more cars.  Even though he is a completely pathetic christian, he is a good salesman and understands that meeting more people will help him to sell more cars.  He had never gone to church before, but he had seen the crowds of people standing in front of the building talking as he was trying to make his way past the church on his way to work.  Jason decided to go to church and try to meet some of those people that sure dressed like they could afford to buy a new car.  Jason doesn’t know Christ, has never read the bible, and only attends church when he needs an extra sale to make his quota.  He throws his cigarette in the grass on his way into the building.  He laughs really loud after swearing during a crude joke told in the parking lot afterwards.  He will openly lie to get you to like him, and hopefully buy a car.  He is so far from being a Christian, it is easy to see why anyone looking for a real church would avoid Jason’s church like the swine flu.  Jason is a total Hypocrite.

The New Believer Hypocrite:  Jennifer is a New Believer Hypocrite.  She has been attending church for 6 months.  She tries to read her bible and talks to God the best she knows how.  She is excited about the fact that Christ saved her, so she tells everyone she meets that they need to be saved.  Sometimes she thinks she might be doing it wrong when she tells the kids in the toy aisle that they’ll go to hell if they don’t get into a right standing with God, but she really wants for people to meet her new best friend (and not go to hell).  She has told her boyfriend that they need to stop (well, you know), but sometimes she gives in still.  Everyone knows this, and can’t stand that SHE would be telling other people about Jesus.  She really needs to keep her mouth shut about Jesus for now.  She’s such a hypocrite.

The Follower Hypocrite:  Eddie is a follower hypocrite.  He has been following Christ for 13 years.  He smiles at you when you walk into the church and helps you find a seat.  After the sermon, he talks to you and makes you feel like he’s your friend.  Eddie and his wife regularly invite the church goer hypocrites and the new believer hypocrites to their homes on the weekend for supper.  During the evening, they try to talk about God.  These hypocrites are very sly, and hard to spot.  They almost look like a Christian, but if you look closely enough and long enough, you’ll see their true flaws.  Eddie spends a lot of time watching football.  Jesus never watched football.  One night someone said they saw Eddie and his wife having an argument.  She called him an inconsiderate jerk.  You don’t read in the bible that any woman ever called Jesus an inconsiderate jerk.  Eddie is obviously a hypocrite.

The Preacher Hypocrite:  David is the worst of all the hypocrites.  David pastors a church in Michigan.  It’s not a large church, and he also works during the week at a factory to support his wife and 2 kids.  He shows up for church and preaches all kinds of stuff out of the Bible.  Front to back, he preaches it.  The church where David is pastoring is growing, but the only people attending are church goer hypocrites, new believer hypocrites, and a few follower hypocrites.  There’s not a single person in the whole church that is living up to the example set by Christ.  And, the bible says that, that you will know them by their fruit.  If there’s not a Christian in the whole church, he doesn’t have any good fruit, so David has to be a hypocrite too.

I hope that this definitive guide will be of service to you when trying to classify which brand of hypocrite is the reason for you to not become a Christian.  Perhaps the world is only waiting on the shining example that you would bring to the church if you made up your mind to be a Christian.  If you do, please help all of us hypocrites out, we might like to be a Christian too.

Incidentally, all four of these hypothetical hypocrites continued to take steps closer and closer to Christ.  Even the car salesman, who eventually became a new believer hypocrite.  Upon their hypothetical death, Jesus said His life and death had been good enough to give all of them a pass, and would you believe He let them into heaven.  Kind of makes you wonder what kind of Christian He really was…

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A little tongue in cheek, but I do sincerely pray for those that have been abused and let down by imperfect people that are portraying themselves as “Christians”.  One of the people that replied to the survey and spoke of hypocrisy being why she hated church was a young girl that used to call me her big brother when we attended church together in my youth.  I don’t have much contact with her now that I’m married and live in another state, but it breaks my heart to think that someone may have offended “one of these little ones.”  To any that have been offended by someone calling themselves a Christian, may I speak for us all and ask for your forgiveness.

About the Author

Jeremy BinnsWhen I'm not trying to save the world from the coming zombie invasion, I love my wife, hug my daughters, write, photograph, listen, observe, explore, and worship.View all posts by Jeremy Binns →

  • Lisa M

    Nicely said.

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot

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