Tacos, Pirates, Car Keys, Chickens, and Trains…

There are some things going really well, and there are some things going not so well…


A few days ago… (two days ago) I went back on a healthy eating plan.  For those who don’t know me, I went on a diet last year and lost 50 pounds.  No pills, no plans, just good old fashioned don’t eat more calories than you need kind of diet.  Over the last 10 months, I’ve gained a few of those pounds back.  (about 20)  So, I have decided it’s time to smack myself around a bit and get back on track.  In laymans terms, that means I won’t be eating any more homemade tacos.  The picture may not do it justice, but what you’re looking at there is the my hands down, no question, absolutely 100% my favorite food.  (and I’m honestly not a huge taco fan)

These tacos are prepared in a special way – you’ll have to e-mail me if you want to know.  I guard this recipe like a sumo wrestler guards his cupcakes.   Anyhow, I’m not eating them right now.

In fact, I’m also not eating hardly any sweets.  (although I don’t cut them out entirely, I just don’t indulge like a biggest loser as soon as the final weigh-ins are done and the camera turns off.)  That also includes homemade chocolate syrup which would make a mean cup of chocolate milk or a pretty sweet Sunday.  Nope not eating that either. (just had to post the pic as a little reminder)  hot syrup messes up an ice cold chocolate milk, so I had to give it an ice bath to cool it down faster.


So I guess the diet plan falls into both categories.  It’s a good thing because I’m already feeling better after only two days, and it’s kind of a bad thing because I really enjoy food.  :-/

***sometimes when I really want to accomplish a goal, I give myself some consequences if I fail.  I told Breanna and Wendy that if I didn’t average 9 out of 10 days meeting my calorie goal until the end of November that I would be their slave for an entire week.  – avoiding my wife’s to-do list tends to be a full time job, so giving her carte blanche to have me at her beckon call would be as near to hell on earth as I can imagine.  (a little exaggeration, but not a big one)

Apparently, Wendy and Breanna were inspired because they both jumped on the bandwagon too.  (not to lose weight because Wendy’s pregnant and Breanna is only 11, but to just stop going in a bad direction.)  They gave themselves calorie goals, and then decided on consequences for failure on their part too.  Wendy’s consequence if she fails is to give me absolute control over the new babies name.  ****i can’t overstate how big of a deal that would be to her – she will not fail!!!*****  Breanna’s consequence is to enter a technology wasteland where electronics of any kind are prohibited for an entire week. No computer, no tv, no DS, no ipad, no etc.  I suspect she’s not going to fail either.

We also gave ourselves some pretty extravagant rewards for meeting our goals too.  I’ll talk about them another time… my fingers are beginning to ache.


Let me tell you about something that was definitely NOT going so well earlier today.  Wendy left for Missouri to coordinate a wedding.  Since her mother was going to, Wendy decided to not make the 4 hour drive alone and rode with her.  (no, my wife spending 4 hours talking to her mother is not the bad thing… i don’t think…)  Wendy took her purse.  Wendy took her keys.  Wendy also took my keys.  I have a wedding tomorrow.  I have no way to start either of our cars.  I didn’t cuss her out, but I did think about running over her with a freight train loaded with screaming pirates and lots of chickens flying around.

At this point, I had to enter MacGyver mode.  I remembered that when we bought Wendy’s van, it only came with one key which happened to be one of those fancy electronic transponder doodads.  They cost around $100 dollars each, and the van would not start if that key wasn’t in close proximity of the ignition.  Being the budget minded guy that I was, I went to the hardware store and purchased a few non-transponder duplicates of the key.  They would turn the ignition, but the car still wouldn’t start without the transponder key being right beside the ignition.  I tore the column apart and wired the transponder key to the outside of the ignition cylinder, and then put everything back together.  Now, the $2 key would start the car because the ignition was able to read the transponder that was neatly hidden away inside of the column.  After searching for hours today for a spare key, I decided to retrieve the transponder key.  I used my secret spy skills to open the locked door on the van, and then disassembled the steering column and retrieved the key.  The van started right up.  WINNING!!!  Now all I had to do was move my truck out from behind the van.  Oh, guess what!  You can’t move a truck without being able to put it into neutral, and you can’t put it into neutral without a key!!!!  Put the freight train in reverse and run over her again, this time hurling eggs from the chickens at her as we go… (in this fantasy, she isn’t seriously injured by the train, it’s more of an annoying bump)  The pirates join in too… chanting incoherently about planks and wenches and whatever else pirates say when they’re p’ed.  Not to be disheartened entirely though, I ran thought hard, and googled harder, and I remembered some mechanics of my transmission.  I climbed under the truck, disconnected the linkage and then manually shifted the transmission into neutral under the truck.  (did I mention that I blocked the wheels first since my driveway is slanted… that would be important if you were ever to try this at home)  I got in front of the truck and pushed it up the drive way and out of the way so that I could back my van around it.  I felt like I should have had a cape on at this point, but instead I just walked back into the house with the pride that a man might have if he had just ran a triple marathon… on one leg… with his mother-in-law on his back.

That said, I guess maybe it wasn’t all bad either…. Today has been a good day.  I am blessed.

“Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time; thank God no matter what happens.  This is the way God want you who belong to Christ Jesus to live.”  1 Thes. 5:16-18


About the Author

Jeremy BinnsWhen I'm not trying to save the world from the coming zombie invasion, I love my wife, hug my daughters, write, photograph, listen, observe, explore, and worship.View all posts by Jeremy Binns →

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot

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