Girls Don’t Suck – The First ‘Inconclusive’ Ultrasound

20110628-105354.jpg

So there’s proof right there.  Girl’s obviously don’t suck.  In fact, there are two of them who daily make life not only worth living, but a lot like an emotional theme park.  My wife and daughter are part of me.  When I think of who I am, and when I contemplate my identity as a human being, they cannot be removed from the equation.  If my life was a cake, they’d be something like sugar and cocoa.  It just wouldn’t be the same without them.

That said, if you’re a friend of mine, you already know that I’ve been hoping for a boy with this pregnancy.  It took me 11 years to convince her to have another one, and I’m just not sure that I’ll be up for the challenge if I have to wait another 11 years to try again.  Today was a big day.  We found a 3D/4D ultrasound clinic that was very affordable here in Nashville.  (If you happen to be looking for a place to have this done, here’s the link for their site – Focused Imaging of Nashville)  We are at 15 weeks along in the pregnancy, which by any standard is still early to detect the sex of the baby, but there is often times a good chance they can.  It is still too early to have a good 3D ultrasound – we’ll definitely be going back when that time does roll around.

We got there, and it was a pretty cool experience.  Couch, soft music, dark ambient lighting, two computer screens, and a projection screen displaying the ultrasound in bigger than life quality on the wall in front of the couch.  Other than probably being the absolute perfect environment for a nap, I was pretty impressed with the whole setup.  The tech was polite, and even though the baby wasn’t cooperating completely, he took his time and tried multiple different methods to see the baby’s gender.  Wendy, being notoriously self reliant, even got up and did a few jumps that might have looked a little like an elderly woman doing jumping jacks if only I had been 75 percent blind… I’m not.  After all the efforts, the tech found one picture that he said was not conclusive enough to be 100 percent, but if he had to guess, his guess would be a girl.

20110628-105412.jpg

So what now.  Honestly, I don’t know what to think or how I really feel.  It isn’t certain enough to say, “yes, it’s definitively a girl.”  But it’s more of a girl than it was last night… at least in my mind anyhow.  So now I’m in an emotional suspension.  Emotionally, I feel like I’m watching myself from a 3rd person perspective.  I’m just sitting there waiting for me to do something that will indicate how I feel or what my reaction is.  I’m in a limbo where I can’t change directions yet and gear up for a girl, but I can’t keep steam rolling forward with hope for a boy.  I feel like a grape suspended in an old school jello mold.  I can’t go anywhere until the jello melts or gets eaten.

Wendy has been a little upset that I haven’t been saying anything about the whole experience.  I guess it’s just because the whole experience was like someone wiped their hand across the canvas that I was painting, and now I have to start all over.

On the plus side, seeing the baby move with it’s tiny arms and legs was absolutely remarkable.  It’s strange that something can be so uplifting and yet heavy at the same time, but that’s what it was like.  …a lot like reality.

To eggroll, even if you happen to be a girl:  I already love you more than words can express.  You are a promised gift that I will cherish with every remaining breath that I enjoy on this earth, and for an eternity thereafter.

About the Author

Jeremy BinnsWhen I'm not trying to save the world from the coming zombie invasion, I love my wife, hug my daughters, write, photograph, listen, observe, explore, and worship.View all posts by Jeremy Binns →

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot

%d bloggers like this: