Maybe I’ll get a Pirate Patch

I’m considering getting a new and stylish eye patch. Not that I already have an old and outdated one, but I have recently acquired a need for one.

From early on in life I’ve had an odd proclivity for giving people mild scares. I remember getting such a kick out of jumping from behind a door in an effort to give my grandma mild heart palpitations. When she cussed and screamed, I somehow found it to be one of the most amusing things ever. As a teenager, I found that I could really get a decent freak out type reaction by opening the car door while driving and screaming. (it seems to work best while on the interstate) (maybe I need therapy…) As an adult, I still enjoy randomly startling people. My wife, for some bizarre reason, hasn’t found this penchant to be as endearing as I’d hoped, but I can’t help myself so she just needs to learn to cope.

Last night, as I was laying in bed beside the lovely and adorably pregnant Wendy watching her slowly slipping into the twilight consciousness before falling to sleep I was overcome by one of these mischievous schemes. I slowly and gently slid closer to her, calmly placed my arm on her hip, and then gave a mild but effective scream and jerk. It worked. She freaked out. She screamed, jerked, and her arms went flailing everywhere.

Unfortunately I wasn’t able to enjoy my typical satisfaction of belly laughing at my unsuspecting prey’s misfortune. When her sexy little fingers on her beautiful arms went flailing, one of her delicate little fingers, and more specifically the well manicured nail, found a new home inside my left eyeball. Strangely, she thought this development was hilarious and couldn’t stop laughing.

Here’s my poor eye right after the ‘incident’. It’s worse today, but I’m thinking that maybe I’ll be able to find employment as a pirate writer with photographic experience. We’ll see…


About the Author

Jeremy BinnsWhen I'm not trying to save the world from the coming zombie invasion, I love my wife, hug my daughters, write, photograph, listen, observe, explore, and worship.View all posts by Jeremy Binns →

  • Kimberly Teague


"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose." - Jim Elliot

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